From the time I was 10 until the age of 25, I struggled with paruresis - more commonly known as shy bladder. I did not realize at the time that this is a condition that millions of people suffer from. I thought I was all alone in it.

I avoided public restrooms at all costs.  Often, if there was even one person in the restroom, I couldn’t use it.  I experienced intense discomfort and shame as I tried to hide my difficulties from friends and loved ones.  Things got so bad that, even if I was in immense pain having to pee so badly, I just couldn’t.

If you are struggling with shy bladder, then you know what it’s like.  Whether it’s avoiding liquids or obsessively planning ahead, life with shy bladder doesn’t feel like fully living.

Thankfully, I discovered a way out.

No more fear, no more pain.  I found a way of healing that helped me regain my sense of calm, confidence, and control.

My name is Jack Rubin. I’m a licensed therapist and I’m here to help you overcome this condition that can cause so much misery.

If you are interested and ready to get started, click here to connect with me directly.  To learn more about shy bladder and how I can help, read on.

What is shy bladder?

Shy bladder (also called paruresis, pee shyness, or urination anxiety) is a psychological reaction that prevents people from using the restroom when others are nearby.  People with shy bladder typically experience symptoms such as:

• Not being able to pee in public restrooms no matter how badly they have to go

• Intense fear of being heard or seen using the restroom

• Avoiding situations where public restroom use may be necessary (e.g., social situations, travel, or work opportunities)

• Drinking less fluids to decrease the need to urinate

• Feeling anxious, on-edge, or nervous when trying to use a public restroom

• Checking or looking for restrooms that are empty or only have one toilet

• Returning to one’s home over lunch breaks or other breaks to urinate

What causes shy bladder?

Shy bladder can be caused by many different things.  Some people continuously feel unsafe while using public restrooms when they’re younger and develop it slowly over time.  Some begin to experience it because of abuse, assault, or some other traumatic event.  And for some the cause is unclear - which can make it feel that much more distressing.

As is the case with many body-based difficulties, shy bladder happens when the mind learns to fear the body. Signals of needing to urinate when others are nearby start to create feelings of anxiety, worry, and even panic about not being able to go. Unsuccessful attempts to go lead to experiences of further embarrassment, frustration, and shame.  Over time, these things promote a pattern of avoidance that actually makes shy bladder worse.

Each time we go along with the pattern, the anxiety grows and grows. You might begin to feel overwhelmed, totally stuck, or even defeated by shy bladder.

But it doesn’t have to be that way.

How can coaching sessions help with shy bladder?

Coaching sessions for shy bladder are specifically designed to help you break the cycle of avoidance, develop psycho-physical skills for healing, and learn to communicate well with your body.

As is the case with many forms of anxiety, it involves gently and slowly confronting your fears along with the support of a professional.

Coaching sessions can help you:

• Learn to use public restrooms comfortably without fear and worry

• Uncover and address the causes of your shy bladder symptoms

• Process and work through the physical, mental, and emotional components that are contributing to paruresis

• Practice breaking the cycle in a safe space

• Tap into your capacity for calm and self-reliance

• Heal and unburden the wounds of the past that are creating issues in the present

• Get connected to your body and develop self-care tools to help you heal

What do sessions look like?

I know how hard it can be to live with shy bladder and how scary it can be to even speak to someone about it.  I also know how freeing it is to overcome.

Our work together is designed to help you find a sense of safety and success throughout the healing process.  Sessions can be held online or in-person - both formats are equally effective at treating difficulties with shy bladder.

We’ll start by exploring your story, your struggles, and your hopes for a better future. We’ll see if there were any events, traumas, or continued experiences of not feeling safe that brought your symptoms on and work through those if need be.

Then I will help you begin to face your fears and provide insights and tools supported by research to help make the process easier.

Next, we’ll set up a plan for helping you begin to break the cycle.  Sometimes (but not always), this can include relying on a partner (whether that is a friend, loved one, or myself) to be present at a tolerable distance while you are using the restroom.  As you develop comfort, we decrease the distance until you are able to use the restroom with another person present (and, of course, you will still have all the normal levels of privacy).

If I am your partner and our sessions are online, during the session you will place your computer, tablet, or phone at the safe distance and decrease it over time.  I’ve found this method while working online to be very effective. And if you choose to have a partner to help you besides me, I can coach them on how to hold a safe and supportive space for you.

Along the way, I will be using methods from Somatic Experiencing®, Internal Family Systems, Mindful Self-Compassion, and The Alexander Technique, to enhance your progress and provide rapid results.

I will be with you every step of the way. My priority is to help you receive the care that will help you find freedom from paruresis and see results as quickly and effectively as possible. Throughout, we will also pay gentle and compassionate attention to your level of stress so that we aren’t moving faster than feels safe to you - your healing journey should happen at your own pace.

I’m here to help you find a life free from the worries caused by shy bladder.  You deserve a chance to enjoy going out and doing what you love without thinking about the restroom. Together, we can help make that happen.

How do I get started?

I offer a free 30-minute consultation Zoom call to answer any questions you have and for us to get a sense of if we are a good match for working together. You’re also welcome to write me before scheduling your consultation if you have any preliminary questions.

If you decide you’d like to work together, sessions are 1 hour long.

The rate per session is $200.

I understand that it can feel scary to reach out to someone for help. My strong intention is to make the process feel safe and welcoming all along the way.

*Also if you’d feel more comfortable working with a woman to overcome shy bladder, my wife is a therapist as well and is available to work with you if you prefer. Feel free to just mention this when you reach out.

To ask questions or to schedule a free 30 minute Zoom consultation, please fill out the form below: